Revalations

Hello again cyber-readers,

I want to reiterate that I am not the most disciplined blogger. I think about blogging often especially after reading the blogs of my two friends who are very regular with it. I journal the old fashioned way reasonably often, but the content is often not for public consumption . There are so many things to talk about right now and I know they are all related but expressing that connection cleverly is my challenge...

I guess first is that I took a new job last October as a case-manging medical social worker with the pulmonary clinic after realizing that I had been in LA for 4 years and was still playing it like we were only here temporarily. I see now that I was in a holding pattern trying to cope with my lack of discipline and direction and my fear of being alone.

My manager at the hospital was very encouraging around my transition. We have a rapport that began when I first got the per diem position in 2004 and he was an ICU case -manager. He helped me figure out what I could really handle long term and to have the courage to put in on the table with the medical team with whom I am now working. He also got me to agree to covering both Pulmonary services while my friend and colleague is on maternity leave.

Second, I returned from an amazing trip to Thailand and caught a virus that Jonny picked up on the plane ride home, that has lasted nearly a month and has robbed me of my senses of smell and taste. The virus got me when I was at a peak of stress with the job. I had been on my own with the two services for about a month and was feeling weighted down and having the desire to run away. The day before I got sick I had an interaction with a mom that did not go well and left me feeling useless...

Luckily the following weekend was the start of the Vitality and Stress Module of the Level 2 Kundalini teacher training. I charged the tuition before we left for Thailand, but had been building resistance to the course. My main issue was that it was at Golden Bridge and my previous experience with "those people" had so not met my expectations and left me with a dislike for "LA Yogis"

I processed this resistance with my yoga mentor and she encouraged me to let go of past experiences and go with an open heart. Well I have to say this training arrived at exactly the right time as it spoke directly to all that I was experiencing with my where my life was. I got to be with Krishna who is like a spiritual mother to me and I got to listen to Gurucharan who speaks to the precocious little girl that I am. But mostly it was perfect because I again found a sense of purpose and community that had been eluding me for some time.

Just the other day I learned about personal years in numerology:
http://www.astrology-numerology.com/num-personalyear.html

This year for me is a 7:

Personal Year 7. . . . a time for analysis and understanding

A 7 personal year promises to be a very introspective year, a period of some pause and reflection between very active years in your life. This year should provide you with some time for gaining some understanding of yourself, and you are apt to spend a good bit of time in contemplation. It will be good for you to spend time alone or in quiet activities, as free from outside responsibilities as possible. You should try to get away from business pressures. This is a good year to reflect on the past and plan for the future. This will not tend to be a year of action, but rather a year of waiting and development. One of the most profitable activities in with to engage during a personal year 7 is that of study and writing, for your ability to think clearly, analyze, and integrate your thoughts is peaked now. Your capacity for research and understanding is at its very best. It would not be unusual for you to take on an appearance of coolness and detachment during a 7 year. Certainly, it is best for you to focus your attention on your talents and your skills in an effort to use the time you have now to refine them. Perhaps you can find the time to gain more education, or simply spend free time in reflection and meditation.

Coincidentally we have been assigned the Mul Mantra done with long deep breaths for 90 days as well as journaling, for the homework to the training. I have of course been procrastinating a bit getting that 90 days started as I am still snotty and I had my wisdom teeth removed two days ago. I did begin to journal the other night and asked myself "when will meditation stop being a chore and move to something that I want to do?" I think I have realized that it might be this year!
Sat Nam